Literally everything I look at makes me itchy... people playing with their hair, the foil around my taco, the little dots in the cherry blossoms in my bed sheets.
Monday night around 1am, I went to turn off the sprinkler, wearing flip flops, half asleep, and while it was pitch black. It took me 6 whole seconds to realize that I was standing in an ant pile and that my feet were completely covered in fire ants. I had totally forgotten the kind of pain that is set aside just for ants and their bites. And bonus.... do ants also sting? Did I read that somewhere? That's not even fair..
In my driving class, they calculated how long it actually takes you to react and then brake when something comes up in front of you on the road.
1.) You see the object (that is, if you're completely 100 percent focused on the road, and who ever is? - you could compare this to myself being half asleep at the time of the incident)
2.) Your brain rapidly goes through options on how to react and ultimately selects BRAKE (or... remove yourself from the ant pile and get the ants the fuck off)
3.) You brake, and everything usually goes well only if you were following the two-second rule, weren't speeding, distracted or under the influence and had a state-of-the-art car with in check brakes and excellent tires (and of course I had to have been wearing flip flops that evening, which offered zero protection.)
I threw off my shoes and ran into the grass that was still wet from the sprinkler to maybe get half of the ants off. I was in complete shock, literally, this sounds silly, but I didn't even know what to do. Should I continue to turn the sprinkler off? Should I go and at least get my shoes before I run to the bathtub? Or should I just make a point to wake everyone in my house up while running into the tub to soak my feet?
I chose option #3 (which seems to be a frequent go-to) and dramatically ran inside to wash my feet off. It took longer than I thought to get every single ant off, and by that time, some had crawled all the way up to my knee to bite right in the nook of it.
So right now I am sitting in the most heinous pain and itch. And there seems to be nothing I can do to find relief. Also, I'm really, really allergic to ants so both of my feet are completely swollen as well as my right eye (I have no idea... ?!) and there is a rash crawling up both of my legs.
And I used to be absolutely disgusted by this commercial, but now... well...
